Dr Joseph Mancusi

I sat in the fast food burger joint drinking a hot tea and using the wifi.

The woman and her 14-year-old son entered. He opened his computer and downloaded music.

“This internet is too slow,” he blurted out. “Too %@& slow.”

“We need internet at home.” He complained and argued.

“We don’t have the money,” she said.

“We would if you had a better job,” he snarled.

I was not sympathetic. At nine I worked and gave my mom money. “If he wants Internet, he should pay for it,” I said to myself.

The mother looked at him with weary, tired eyes.

Soon he told his mother to get him a number nine hamburger combo.

He was “undermuscled” by at least 30 pounds. He didn’t need fat and salt. I kept my mouth shut.

“I will,” she said, “In a minute”.

He snapped at her. “Get it now. If not I will get it. Give me the money.”

“No, I will get it in a while,” she said.

“Give me the money, what the #%@^* difference does it make who gets it. Why are you deciding for me?”

Now I couldn’t help myself.

I blurted out: “Because she is the mother. That’s why she tells you; she is the mother.”

He looked down at his computer. The mother looked at me apologetically.

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut. But parents need to act like parents and hold children accountable. Parents need to respect themselves so children will learn self respect. If I were that mother and he acted like that to me, in public or not, there would be consequences. You can’t talk to teachers or principals like that; you cannot talk to bosses like that; you cannot talk to your sergeant like that. If my father ever heard me talk to my mother like that, I would never do it a second time. Never. If I had to bet, I would say that either there is no father in the family or the father is verbally or physically abusive to this woman. This boy has seen a woman verbally abused. It all starts at home and then goes to the streets.

I hope she reads this. Mother, do not let him do this to you. Do not feel guilty that you cannot provide him everything he wants. No one will ever get everything he wants. Pick up his computer; take it away for a month. Take away his ipod and cell phone. Have him “earn” his privileges of ipod and computer by finishing his homework, exercising everyday and making a contribution by working at home. Don’t let him abuse you. We need to stop “parent abuse”. It is the only way we will raise loving, respectful children. If you don’t do it, the world will have another young man who thinks the world owes him a living, who thinks you should do it “now” because he wants you to, and who will find someone with no self-respect to abuse. It is not healthy or loving to ignore his behavior. Don’t do it. Choose health, choose life, and choose love.

http://www.empoweringparents.com/Child-Verbal-Abuse-and-Threats.php

Action Items

1. Set ground rules for teens regarding computer, cell phone and ipod use.

2. Talk to other parents to establish rules that all agree on.

3. Never permit an outburst that attacks you to go ignored.

4. Get help if your child is overwhelming you.

Dr. Mancusi is an inspirational speaker and psychologist. drmancusi@yahoo.com www.mancusi.net ©2009