Dr. Joseph Mancusi: Choose health, life and love
“I hate my job, but I am making too much money to quit.”
Harold and Ann came to therapy together.
“I am under so much stress. I work long hours. I don’t see much of my three small sons. My wife is constantly asking me to do things around the house. We seem to fight all the time. I’m always tired and anxious. Can we do relaxation therapy or something?”
Harold was obviously distressed. He sat forward in his chair. His white knuckles gripped the chair arms.
“Please help me. I am failing as a father, a husband and a friend.”
His wife, Ann, nodded in agreement.
He was a very successful businessman. He was very good at what he did. His salary brought his family many nice things. He gave his family plenty of money. What he didn’t provide was time, attendance at activities for his three sons and a patient, loving husband for his wife.
“You don’t like your job?” I asked him.
“I hate it. But I am so good at it, I can’t afford to quit. I make too much money to give it up. I hate it.” He slumped back again.
I told him, “One of the greatest tragedies in life is to be good at something you hate doing and you keep doing it. What would you do if you could make the same money?”
“I would be a high school math teacher. But we can’t afford to live on that money,” he sighed.
Ann spoke up. “All three boys are in school. I want to return to work. Besides, if you were a teacher you would get every holiday they do. They would have a real father. I would have a loving man back.”
After several sessions, Harold agreed with Ann. Several years later, I saw them both at the movies.
Ann called to me, “Doctor Joe, do you remember us? Harold is a scout leader; he coaches our youngest son in soccer. We are both active in our church. Every summer he takes the boys camping for three weeks at different national parks. I call Harold and the kids ‘my four boys’. When I come home from work, they always have a great meal ready for me.”
She leaned forward to whisper to me. “You gave me a great cook and a better lover. Thank you for teaching us that money isn’t everything. You taught us both that one of life’s greatest tragedies is to be good at something you hate doing and you keep doing it.”
Stress at work causes accidents and violence, increases illness, and causes job loss. It disrupts families and contributes to divorce. Look at your job. If you are not passionate and happy at least ten percent of the time, a change may be in order. Choose health, choose life, and choose love. See you next week.
www.womenshealth.gov/faq/stress-your-health.cfm Look at job stress on women.
http://www.apa.org/pi/work/wsh.html Look at stress factors and health.
Action Items
- Look at ways to improve your education or training so you can change jobs or find a new one.
- Work together as a family to plan for total income.
- Ask your boss for opportunities to change what you do so it will be more interesting and less stressful.
- Employers note: Stressed employees cause more accidents, use sick days, increase health care costs, and lead to employees going elsewhere.
Dr. Mancusi is an inspirational speaker and psychologist. drmancusi@yahoo.com www.mancusi.net ©2009